I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
