dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
