i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
