So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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