My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
