So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
