Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to make out with him forever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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