ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
