The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
