I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize