I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
