Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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