we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
