amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
