He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
