I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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