sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
