if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
