I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
