remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
