If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
