It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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