Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
