so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
