he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
