you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
