STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
