How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
