Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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