I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
