We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Life is so much better after having sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
