I want to have your abortion
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
