so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
