so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize