I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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