i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
