I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize