So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize