Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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