We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
