Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
