So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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