using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
