She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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