i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
