I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
