I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
