They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
