i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
