He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
