I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
