I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
