South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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