There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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