just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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