I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
