i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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