Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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