i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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