so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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