I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
