I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
