dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
