I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
