I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
