he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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