Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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