remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
