Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
