he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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