This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
