so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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