I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Green mimosas i think yes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
