she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
