i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
