Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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