forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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